you  laughed and danced
then said it was nothing.

the smiles for hours-
must have been nothing.

this heart on fire
put out to nothing.

just like that.
oh well. it was nothing.



I don’t even want you
I’ve forgotten the warmth
It’s flown, and I am here. Alone.
And my own plans go up and down
As you watch

You see me
You know me
And I just keep on walking

Then I glance back
Something made me
You made me glance
So I look and there you are
With all the same forgiveness as ever
All the same love as ever
Half grinning for me seeing you
Half crying for the cobblestone between us
And here I respond

Here I crumble in your arms
Here I keep on walking



I have allowed to my former master:
Skirted his courts, looked inside.
Pledged never to enter, but found myself caught.
Now, leaving, I fear he has ambushed my mind,
Hollowed my soul.

Stumbling and reeling on my own two feet
I remember the Other, more compassionate One,
Whose pure Fountain had washed the old life away.
Stubborn and twisted, unforgivable, I remember.

Though I pant for cool water from my sweet Master's cup
To purge my heart and quench my shame,
My feet take me around to where the contrast is less
So my impurities won't muddy His pure Fountain.

I peer in at the depth -and the height- of All Love
Exclaim in my soul how I'd long to be free,
Denying the hope that He'd love me once more,
And go on my way with a sad aftertaste.

Under a rock, in the rain of my tears,
I hear a voice, strong but concerned,
Calling me out, claiming the Fountain,
Its power to save.

I answer, objecting; citing my filth.
Saying nothing -no-one- could cleanse me and live
My filth would ruin, destroy, and disease.
The Fount, pure as diamonds, would stain and grow stale.

My Master replied, all wisdom and grace:
"Son, return to your Master, and he will clean you.
His Fount he would stain, so that you can be free.
Drink of the Fountain, taste until you are full.
I am jealous for you, that you might live."



The prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Then what, Lord, of mine?
I need a steady vigil to even know right from wrong.
What of my prayer?
Is it forgotten? Pushed aside?

Where's my prayer, Father?
Has it risen to your ears,
Or did it die upon release,
Crumble in my hands?

You see, that prayer was my weakest;
My flesh can't afford much more,
And I want to make sure it got there
Without being put out on the way.

If my faith is what carries it,
Then it's sure to have fallen already.
If love was the messenger,
He, too, would trip along the way.

See, it's for these things the prayer was for,
And if it depends on them, 
Then I'm shooting broken arrows
While aiming for the Sun.


You're the agreeable type.
I know you like me
but that's just because you like everybody else.

I understand.
You're just a nice person.
You want to give everyone a chance.
But if you try to be best friends with everyone,
you won't really know anyone.

You've eased me into a meltdown
smiled me into an addictive disappointment.

I just feel sorry for you-
one to the next you're never alone
and never yourself.
I wish you could come out of that;
then you'd be real.

I'm holding out my hand.


ambitious coward

Sorry I'm so out of it
-running so hard just to get here-
now where am I again?
Boy, am I glad to see you.

Now that I'm here,
you seem to be different
-another look on your face-
I guess I imagined it differently
in the blur it took to get here.

Maybe it's not what I thought.
Maybe I should run back.
You wouldn't run with me
not with that look.
I guess I'll run back
start all over.



here, girl
I'm coming
coming to take your porcelain hands
are they open, are they free?

I'm scouring the deep
sailing the seas
to find the words to say
the words that just might do

because I'm on my way
finding things to make you smile
turning into a better man

the kind that hopes he's
gentle, strong, and pure enough
to take your porcelain hands


the prequel

I'm the smile that looks away
the child who barely plays
I learn but I don't rehearse
first worse

this pit is bloody steep
the light may be bright
but it's way up there.
this pit is my sky
the walls are my reality

I can dream all I want
try all I can
you may have all the rope in the world
but what is it to me if you don't know,
can't know.

only if you can sweep an ocean
over my blurring anger
or quiet my selfish pity,
only then-

-only if your salvation
trickles down past my feet

as your love soaks my lungs

-only if you'll free me
from the books of fall-short helpers
and shallow fortune tellers

-only if I can continue
to loathe the old, embrace the new,
and rediscover time and time again
a whelming and sufficient mercy

only then
in my pit
will I take hold
and be free.