ocean

there is a love that can be touched
but only as in the deepest part
of the quietest ocean.


it is a deep-soaking
infiltrating
permeating kind of love
impartial and unexplained.


it whelms the whole person,
unabated by any peculiarities.
engulfing the soul in a foamy wash.


so gentle and unmoved
as it fingers within and without


yet as heavily spread
as tar to seal away an underworld of grief.

Psalm

God, I am in deep.
help.
I can't get out.
I've tried.
I am a self-inflicted victim of sin.

that grace so free and powerful--
can it be?
my sin is too steep,
my heart too hardened by the
consequences of this flaw.

the world is constantly evil,
turns to dust in my mouth.
where is the end?
its pattern becomes mine,
its folly my wisdom.
where is the end?

there is nowhere to go.
God, be my refuge.
my sin pursues me,
it chases me all day long.
I am never safe.

Shepherd, save me
from the wolves surrounding.
I miss your words.
your whispering is better than life.

undo my heart of knots.
teach me the straight way again.
fill my gaping hole,
remove my basest traits,
restore me to your worship.

something

you  laughed and danced
then said it was nothing.

the smiles for hours-
must have been nothing.

this heart on fire
put out to nothing.

just like that.
oh well. it was nothing.

Crossroads

I don’t even want you

I’ve forgotten the warmth

It’s flown, and I am here. Alone.

And my own plans go up and down

As you watch

You see me

You know me

And I just keep on walking

Then I glance back

Something made me

You made me glance

So I look and there you are

With all the same forgiveness as ever

All the same love as ever

Half grinning for me seeing you

Half crying for the cobblestone between us

And here I respond

Here I crumble in your arms

Here I keep on walking

Fountain

I have allowed to my former master:
Skirted his courts, looked inside.
Pledged never to enter, but found myself caught.
Now, leaving, I fear he has ambushed my mind,
Hollowed my soul.

Stumbling and reeling on my own two feet
I remember the Other, more compassionate One,
Whose pure Fountain had washed the old life away.
Stubborn and twisted, unforgivable, I remember.

Though I pant for cool water from my sweet Master's cup
To purge my heart and quench my shame,
My feet take me around to where the contrast is less
So my impurities won't muddy His pure Fountain.

I peer in at the depth -and the height- of All Love
Exclaim in my soul how I'd long to be free,
Denying the hope that He'd love me once more,
And go on my way with a sad aftertaste.

Under a rock, in the rain of my tears,
I hear a voice, strong but concerned,
Calling me out, claiming the Fountain,
Its power to save.

I answer, objecting; citing my filth.
Saying nothing -no-one- could cleanse me and live
My filth would ruin, destroy, and disease.
The Fount, pure as diamonds, would stain and grow stale.

My Master replied, all wisdom and grace:
"Son, return to your Master, and he will clean you.
His Fount he would stain, so that you can be free.
Drink of the Fountain, taste until you are full.
I am jealous for you, that you might live."

Fulcrum

The prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Then what, Lord, of mine?

I need a steady vigil to even know right from wrong.

What of my prayer?

Is it forgotten? Pushed aside?

Where's my prayer, Father?

Has it risen to your ears,

Or did it die upon release,

Crumble in my hands?

You see, that prayer was my weakest;

My flesh can't afford much more,

And I want to make sure it got there

Without being put out on the way.

If my faith is what carries it,

Then it's sure to have fallen already.

If love was the messenger,

He, too, would trip along the way.

See, it's for these things the prayer was for,

And if it depends on them, 

Then I'm shooting broken arrows

While aiming for the Sun.

You're the agreeable type.
I know you like me
but that's just because you like everybody else.

I understand.
You're just a nice person.
You want to give everyone a chance.
But if you try to be best friends with everyone,
you won't really know anyone.

You've eased me into a meltdown
smiled me into an addictive disappointment.

I just feel sorry for you-
one to the next you're never alone
and never yourself.
I wish you could come out of that;
then you'd be real.

I'm holding out my hand.

ambitious coward

Sorry I'm so out of it
-running so hard just to get here-
now where am I again?
Boy, am I glad to see you.

Now that I'm here,
you seem to be different
-another look on your face-
I guess I imagined it differently
in the blur it took to get here.

Maybe it's not what I thought.
Maybe I should run back.
You wouldn't run with me
not with that look.
I guess I'll run back
start all over.

porcelain

here, girl
I'm coming
coming to take your porcelain hands
are they open, are they free?

I'm scouring the deep
sailing the seas
to find the words to say
the words that just might do

because I'm on my way
finding things to make you smile
turning into a better man

the kind that hopes he's
gentle, strong, and pure enough
to take your porcelain hands

the prequel

I'm the smile that looks away
the child who barely plays
I learn but I don't rehearse
first worse

this pit is bloody steep
the light may be bright
but it's way up there.
this pit is my sky
the walls are my reality

I can dream all I want
try all I can
you may have all the rope in the world
but what is it to me if you don't know,
can't know.

only if you can sweep an ocean
over my blurring anger
or quiet my selfish pity,
only then-

-only if your salvation
trickles down past my feet

as your love soaks my lungs

-only if you'll free me
from the books of fall-short helpers
and shallow fortune tellers

-only if I can continue
to loathe the old, embrace the new,
and rediscover time and time again
a whelming and sufficient mercy

only then
in my pit
will I take hold
and be free.

ear-to-ear fool

I miss the distraction
of my simple smiling heart
the amusement between eyes
eyes that only trust

I miss feeling a fool
for grinning about you
showing up early
in case you did too

what's keeping me
from being your ear-to-ear fool?

time

if it were a perfect world, this place...
we would never doubt the right,
never keep the wrong
time would fly and heaven come:
a perfect, perfect world

but time we lack. in fear we race.
too short our lives to stay the fight;
young, never quite strong
to face our fears and learn
from this imperfectly perfect world

the stage

We all enjoy it, don't we?
being young.
eyeing and being eyes.
wanting and having:
wanting, then leaving.

boys are still boys
girls still girls
throw in your dice
and see who you get

whoever looks first
is the one you chase
and the ones you see,
you chase them, too.

on a constant prowl
catch and release
never good enough:
nothing's ever enough

it's all a big game
but nobody wins.
just keep gambling and rambling
until you wind up out.

look at you.
propaganda for yourself.
what have we become?
who are you anymore?

was this your dream?
no ideals, no stature.
just a shiny red image
to hide behind?

to keep up
like you owe it to them
like it's who you are

like they're more than just audience
for the act you put on
just to keep up

ocean

I miss the ocean
those blues and colors
all the directions,
no hiding, all open and waiting

yes, there is deep
but deep can be sounded
if we really try
if we really try

yeah there's dark, there's scary
but only in the dark
and with some fear
do we find truth and love

I hate assuming ponds
and snorkeling on the surface
when there's so much more
so much more

yes, I'm the ocean,
sound me if you can
and I'll plunge in deep
dive in hard after you

dislove (see comment)

try me on
yeah that's how we do it
let's just have our fake be loved on
and move on

I'll hold your parasol
if you'll make me go crazy inside
just conditions to live by
or we'd never get any loving done

don't ask questions
don't try to get deep
we're here for this feeling
and this feeling is all

now you've stretched it
see, you're just my doll
don't try to think
trust me, just feel

it's all about now
here and now
tomorrow may not come
so be mine for now

ourselves

we're all trapped now.
before we felt horrible, left out
but now we're trapped.
and we'd do anything to be free

this world puts big pictures up:
big pictures, pretty people.
-and you'd better be a pretty person
or the world won't look at you-

and we can't have that, can we.

if we're ourselves
they might find us out
scrape the inside
and discover everything
behind that pretty person look.

if we're ourselves,
we might get left alone,
we might show our worst,
we might lose everything
after exposing everything.
we might as well die.

but if we're ourselves,
-if we're really ourselves-
then we can know
that if we love,
if we trust,
if we care,
then that love is true,
that trust is strong,
and that care is unshakeable

because if we're ourselves,
there's no fake,
no mirage,
no pretty-people poster
to lie about who we're loving.

this wonderful truth

can't get you out of my head
girl
you keep on floating back
in dreams, in soft waking,
in memories of yesterday

the whole wide world can wait.
wait, as we take a moment
just a second to hope in what we know
to dream this wonderful truth
the reality of you and me.

a little supernatural

I have been scuffed along
all this time
time flies. good escapes me.
nothing new. nothing truly joy.
no tranquility beyond description.
I am vanity at the moment.

all I ask is a little supernatural.
sparkles in mud puddles. beautiful rainclouds.
intricate spiders. thirty-minute goodbyes.
sleepless prayerful nights. crying for more good in the gray world.
just some God sprinkled on the mess I've made.
that is all.

Psalm 51, v1

Hide your face,
Oh God, most holy!
Blot out my error,
Erase it wholly.

Cover Your eyes
From this my sin!
Purge me, Lord
And I'll be clean.

Deliver your servant
From guilt of blood!
Renew these bones
In Your restoring flood.

Delight in my spirit
Knelt in contrition
From rash iniquity,
Quick transgression

Open my lips:
Remove the shroud
And praise eternal
I'll sing aloud!

Psalm 51, v2

Hide yourself, God.
I'm coming in...
I'm here to confess
My darkest sin

I've tried to wash
This guilty stain
But it spreads. Smears.
Consumes. Remains.

I avert my mind
But my sin pursues.
In tiring of the chase
I've landed with You.

Mercy me, Father!
From worlds above
Only One can purge;
I've known that love!

My king, my Answer,
For a time, my All,
Free me! Cleanse me!
Lest again I fall!

I've nothing to offer,
No sincere eulogies
Don't retract, oh Savior,
Your Spirit from me!

In one mighty breath
You could cast me away
Oh, Father, I plead
With your heart, let me stay!

I'm broken here,
My spirit in shards
And only You, my Master,
Can remold my heart

Most High, in your patience,
Carve away my shell.
Pry me wide open:
A gap only You can fill.

Fill it up, Wonder of Life!
-My ins, my outs-
Put an end to selfish,
Petty doubts.

For to You, Redeemer,
An offering avails small
When a man bears his spirit,
Unfolding his all!

A broken, bloody heart
Dragging its feet
With burdens so heavy-
Lord, you make it complete!

Here I stand, no, fall
At the glance of your eye
I tremble, I faint
As you lift my chin high

Get up. You whisper
As You die all my sins
You’ve bought them and killed them!
Done. I'm free again.