a little supernatural

I have been scuffed along
all this time
time flies. good escapes me.
nothing new. nothing truly joy.
no tranquility beyond description.

I am vanity at the moment.

all I ask is a little supernatural.
sparkles in mud puddles. beautiful rainclouds.
intricate spiders. thirty-minute goodbyes.
sleepless prayerful nights. crying for more good in the gray world.
just some God sprinkled on the mess I've made.
that is all.

Psalm 51, v1

Hide your face,
Oh God, most holy!
Blot out my error,
Erase it wholly.

Cover Your eyes
From this my sin!
Purge me, Lord
And I'll be clean.

Deliver your servant
From guilt of blood!
Renew these bones
In Your restoring flood.

Delight in my spirit
Knelt in contrition
From rash iniquity,
Quick transgression

Open my lips:
Remove the shroud
And praise eternal
I'll sing aloud!

Psalm 51, v2

Hide yourself, God.
I'm coming in...
I'm here to confess
My darkest sin

I've tried to wash
This guilty stain
But it spreads. Smears.
Consumes. Remains.

I avert my mind
But my sin pursues.
In tiring of the chase
I've landed with You.

Mercy me, Father!
From worlds above
Only One can purge;
I've known that love!

My king, my Answer,
For a time, my All,
Free me! Cleanse me!
Lest again I fall!

I've nothing to offer,
No sincere eulogies
Don't retract, oh Savior,
Your Spirit from me!

In one mighty breath
You could cast me away
Oh, Father, I plead
With your heart, let me stay!

I'm broken here,
My spirit in shards
And only You, my Master,
Can remold my heart

Most High, in your patience,
Carve away my shell.
Pry me wide open:
A gap only You can fill.

Fill it up, Wonder of Life!
-My ins, my outs-
Put an end to selfish,
Petty doubts.

For to You, Redeemer,
An offering avails small
When a man bears his spirit,
Unfolding his all!

A broken, bloody heart
Dragging its feet
With burdens so heavy-
Lord, you make it complete!

Here I stand, no, fall
At the glance of your eye
I tremble, I faint
As you lift my chin high

Get up. You whisper
As You die all my sins
You’ve bought them and killed them!
Done. I'm free again.


3- here we are,
1- wet.
4- puddled, dripping.
1- wet
5- with love from our eyes:
9- and you, oh so pretty in that smile.


I'm told to write,
So write I do;
Compelled to read
And think things through.

But days fly by,
And months: each hour
I feel a sinking weight
(and sour).

Writing quicker,
Reading more
Of simple things
I've seen before:

Oh, the heavy load
Of light, light things
Piled in the way
Of deep pondering!

If time is crushed
For petty papers,
And life on hold
For cheap endeavors,

If now my work
Is left unsealed,
Imagine, self,
When work is real!

But embellish I must,
As a blabbering fool,
Putting off true thought
In the paradox of school.

want of love

I am hot with want of love
the walls of my heart thirst,
my mind wishes deeply to linger
(even in confusion) over thoughts of a 'her'.

oh! for the moment:
confounded by love undue.
you want her, now she loves you
- that 'her' only heaven knew -

but to want can't bring it closer
- only strains the mind and heart -
because to find such a perfect two-way street
takes waiting for the perfect 'her'.


I am not nimble with words
I can't dance around phrases
or make a poem's sun shine
I can't convince my letters
to pair off starkly in the watercolor sky
with tiny wings and sharp swoops

they always run away together
away from patterns, style, and form
they spray in all dimensions
coming back with hands full of the world
all their meanings matching and morphing,
each one fresh and unconfined
then I just click them all together
by their various ins and outs
tacking them with meaning
keeping them beautifully mine forever
but worth less
than they ever could be
had I left them to the world

and I slosh

all the little men run for their little umbrellas
they don't slosh, they stealth around
puddles are lava
branches are loaded sprinklers
cars and houses are the only good places

I like this lava. I slosh. warm filling-socks feeling
happier than them feeling
slow, glum acceptance
so much better than hectic tiptoeing

I am separated from all the little dry men
and I slosh in my melancholy gray feeling places

on and off

I probably can't see
you might be for me
I could be missing it all
I should have turned and seen
looking for me
I am missing it all
now I'm turning but I just missed
come back
I'm here. you could be mine
we. each other's.

ever-open wings

I have been rescued from myself.
Ripped from it by the One
And I hold on to it with a grip that tears me apart.

So I mend me with rusted needles I've made;
I patch it up again so I can grip it,
So I can have me again.
So I can be my free.

But the One's tears come down on my head
Reminding me I'm not me,
But a part of the One.
And my free is only bondage;
Feeding the me whom the One died to dismiss:
dismiss in full through death in full.

I run off to find me,
Even after tasting the perfect One
-Who died my death that I am free,
Drinking His love, and wielding His power.
Seeing His tears fall as I wander,
I still fall - no, jump - into the old me.
In over my head.

The One hears my cry.
His wings split clouds as he descends,
Searching as a shepherd for his smallest lamb.
He scours the deep and they open up to Him;
In thick darkness my One finds me,
Raptures me in his ever-open wings.

song of you

they used to sway
the trees, they swayed to the beat of your footsteps as you sang
the sun smiled at you, parting clouds to get a better look
birds whistled, swooping along as your hair bobbed to your beat
the wind used to whisper lightly in tune with you

the orchard is still
clouds have won the skies
the birds have forgotten their song
all is calm and lifeless
without the song of you

frozen through

I've numbed up, frozen through.
a little warmth only colors the surface.
warm and toasty you see me
but to thaw me you can't just heat up the outside
I'm dying inside, blinking at my tough shell
searching for a crack,
but then patching it up when you come around
because I need my insides seen
but you can't see them
I'd rather freeze through

treading water

I know you're broken
nobody knows,
I know you cry yourself to sleep,
cracked inside, but it shows.
the way you look down
when I look you in the eye
you're on your way up, never there
never good enough for your own eyes
treading water to keep up
but you're down on yourself -who you think you are-
look up. look me in the eye,
I know.
and none of that matters, ever will.
I know who you really are,
and that is enough to make me love you.

that song

softly, sweetly
any way you know how
you can make up the words
words of faraway places
of princes and castles and dragons,
of maidens with flowers braided in their hair
or of hills with no monsters
nights with no nightmares
children who can play all day every day
sing of lovers who fall for each other every instant anew
and just keep singing that song.


between a good yes and a better no
but yes would be oh so good
though no is better by far.
at the moment, no is the answer,
with a close yes tearing up the lawn
engulfing all but my lips,
trained to say no and only no.
oh for a naive and simple yes
the yes I've waited for
for like - ever


there's a mystery in love. a mystery to be unfound.
this mystery is best kept and kept.
the mystery that breeds heart-twitters, gentle longings,
even a sprinkle of sadness
this mystery is love's stuffing,
the constant pull of the unknown,
the obscure, the untouched.

lovers live and die by this curiosity

but to love truly
is to love beyond the intrigue.
when the known grit and staleness overcome the adventure,
and the puzzles turn over unexciting
the test for the beauty of a heart has begun

to fail the test is easy, expected, understandable.
possibly resulting in more little adventures
full of initial mystery and intrigues
but no true love.

to pass is submerged victory, a whispered calling fulfilled.
resulting in the gradual unveiling of a person - two people.
and true love.

all-eyes Eden

I am alone
-the Adam of an all-eyes garden-
I want to stay but I must leave
Oh, just close the eyes!
or cover them and I could stay!

"These eyes cannot close
and they will not be covered
but I will make a way.
I will satisfy their sight:
I will cover you
and you will be clean again
you will return to the garden
without a spot or blemish
for every eye in Eden to gaze.
Then you and they will rejoice
for all you know will be made new."


I hate this running
always stumbling and tripping over cracks
looking for something,
it'll be clear when we get there
just get there fast and you'll be there the fastest
look for it. find what you want down deep
then run to find it.
time wasted is time lost

the sun is setting
give me a moment
five minutes of just looking.
running can wait. this is better.
a breath, a deep breath

no, don't make me run
I've found what I'm looking for
time cannot be bent into submission
just take it. it'll come along.
sit and enjoy the sunset

the in-between

everyone likes both -
or one, or the other
but nobody likes it in-between

in-betweens can get left out twice
forgotten twice
lonely twice

and here I am an in-between
no idea how or when
but I'm not one
or the other.

an independent with a gregarious mind
borrowing from one
while looking for the other
wanting both
getting neither

incidenting and coinciding
only goes so far
when you're an in-between


come away,
fly with me

open the window,
smell the gentle lifting gusts
as you sink and sway
and sway and sink

away with me;
come fly with me.
breathe in deep
the green and the blue

drink the air
all the air
seep it in
float on it and sing

trees and houses
all below, not here
all we have is the breeze
and each other

fly with me

star on a sidewalk

the day gray with a lonely paint sky
a lake, ruffled but slow, made the cold more so
hermits us all, no one else exists
all heads tilted, no one else exists

a star on the sidewalk lay between cracks
open, unattached, spread, and shiny
red as christmas bows against the gray world
no one dared step on it, to stomp it out.
each, in passing, would warm up inside
with a secretive reason for slight happiness.
someone had that star once, someone let it fall
now it is everyone’s,
overcoming their lonely paint skies


I grasp your sadness:
my thorn
in Your side

as if my heart is proud down deep
somehow free, somehow my own now

dry and blank I wait for your blessing
as I claw, every time deeper
regretting but not repenting

only hoping to believe in forgiveness

my soul is an animal
but burrowing and climbing
I cannot escape my thorn
in Your side

so You wait.
you let me scream.
you let me want You
until I awake disappointed

my thorn
in Your side
remains. untouched.
"I'm sorry, but I'll leave it in"
I hear myself say

so I crumble.
sometimes hating the thorn
other times grinding it in to hide it

and there You are.
waiting for me to ask
to ask and believe
that You'll remove my thorn
from Your side

foulweather friend

you have no idea.
-you in your little blue house
with a fence to keep the dog in
and the world out.

you might say you care.
-you with your tidy patterns
of growth and security
and love all around.

you think you know me.
-you whose problems are
weather and a sick uncle-

you've got the answers, now, don't you?
-you with the cut-and-dry,
pre-pressed, wrinkle-free

you've got it all figured out.
-you problem-solver, you-
because it'll all turn out;
you just know it will.

you can relate -you've been there
-you who only know half the story,
and that only because you pester me
to be real- ha!

you will always be there
-you who showed up just in time
to point out my problems for me.
thank you, but I'll be over here.

you know God's in control
-you whose praises are for little things-
as I lay here with a pile of
unsorted big things.

you want me to be real with you.
-you and your comb-over friends-
yeah like I'm gonna let you know my trash
so the world can pray for my dirty soul

Across the Room

You've awakened this feeling
I've missed for a while.
You stir my stomach so:
The heat in a shy smile.

I feel you from across the room;
Your emotions escape those eyes.
Full attention right here
Behind a transparent disguise

Little tugs from imagination:
We toy our tiny minds.
Time slows down for us,
And this, the time of our lives.

Out the door. All of me misses you.
Don't even know your name,
But my heart says we're each other's.
Your eyes told mine the same.


come on.
let’s wander down this path
laughing and telling stories
doing things best friends do
let’s skip rocks all day, then sit in the shade
and talk about everything we can imagine
let’s leave the world behind together
rowing slowly down the river,
chasing fireflies because they’re there

let’s do it each and every day
and maybe, just maybe
someday we’ll discover we’re really in love
and have been all this time

but if not, can we be best friends forever?

blind, deaf church

left just off to the side I lay
my crying had soaked my chin, dried up my throat
millions passed by, as if on a pair of tracks
dead set on the straight way; one direction
only one direction.

frozen faces robotically aligned;
mine swollen and throbbing
I cursed their way. their way so straight, so narrow
I was close. right there. off the path.
wanting in
wanting a reason for someone to see me

they all pass it on to the next guy
they see me, but know that someone else will care enough
someone else will love me
and carry me down the path
I'm still waiting


lonely I
adrift on a foamless sea
I look down to see any sort of expected detail
but it's all the same: far and near.

lonely I
thoughts, I say, will accompany me
but thoughts can be thick with evil
or insatiable, even killers

lonely I
oh for another sight to see
another ship to sail
another sun to scorch
any other than these

another soul to search
lonely I

Can I take your heart home with me?

Can I take your heart home with me?
I'm sure, if it is anything like those eyes
-eyes as round as the blue, blue sky-
or if it can dance like your hair
as the wind tugs it in whirlwinds;
Yes, I'm sure, if your heart is anything like your smile,
-the one you think no one sees-
then I truly, truly want to take your heart home with me.


I'm cold,
shimmering cold,
with icetips around the edges
thinking you thoughts,
thoughts of you,
about you

knowing you're cold, too;
icy and still like me,
on your way like I'm on mine,
thinking each other thoughts;

oh! but baby -
together, we're the warm to cut the cold
we steam away each other's ice,
we toast away the chills,
heart away the sad

until all we have
is warm me and warm you.

lovely white wings

angel, darling
why do you sit there with your hands between your knees,
folded over, curled in as if nobody loves you?
is it your small wings? they'll grow.
oh, I know they'll grow. and you'll fly
gliding along, chasing sunsets and skimming rainbows
with those lovely white wings of yours
you'll be the talk of heaven.

until that day comes, let me hold you.
we can wait together
cry together
until your day comes,
freeing you

and if you fall
chasing sunsets and skimming rainbows,
you'll know where to come
to mend those lovely white wings

at sea

set me off to sea
I'm tired of the harbor.
untie me, undo my knots.
the whole blue and green world,
swaying and dipping,
waits for me

and I.
I don't want slack.
keep your rope, your tie, your tarp.
it's your dock, your harbor
not mine.
mine is the sea.
endless headings, destinations.
plenty of sun and spray,
adventure and rest
all at sea

unreturned lover

through tree-spread shades of evening gray,
glistening, sneaks each golden ray:
rich sunlight and my heart, playing in your eyes,
igniting -- love? -- oh the guise!
improbable, impossible! there is no way.
your lips so sweet, your hair so full, so giggly
alas, that timid smile hiding what I'll never see:
what you think, girl, what you think of me.

love pangs

my love stomach has been stretched with much of it
and now I long for the richest kinds, deepest flavors;
pangs throb through my body, I am not content
but to love one and love all of that one deeply.

I cringe at men whose faraway bowls and plates heap high
with shallow, weak, bland love but colorful.
these indulge only to be full of emptiness,
realizing late it wasn't love at all, but just carried its name.

to delight in delighting another,
to dig a soul up and love it completely, every crack and dent,
to love and be loved equally, immeasurably, passionately:
that is the smile of my heart.


Writing, O opiate of mine
save me now, if you can.

divulge some secret
some end to things
be my release, my calm
diagnose my problems fully
then twist them out of me
as if they are really foolish,
irrelevant, explained away.
do this for me now
as you always have.

free me from the world
by creating another.
satisfy, justify, nullify, rectify.
do this for me.

oh, means, I’ve made you an end.
expression, I’ve made you a solution.
don’t run dry
you can’t
you momentary appeasement.
Writing, O opiate of mine.


here I am
we are

each of us our own
nobody knows us. really.
buried secrets.
and longings undiscovered.
things inside that no-one will ever
ever know.

life keeps living, you and I together.
and yet, we're our own.
some things we'll never share and wish we had
when it's all burned away

we'll never be totally out;
completely stark and real.
a little of us is caught inside:
oh, the curse is strong.

a reason

give me action. action I can drink
something to do.
no, someone to be with.
a reason for the rhyme

oh, for a soft smile inside out:
the small, incontrollable type you get
when you belong
and you know it.