I just realized yesterday that I haven't been in a relationship for two years.
It startled me, but I think it's a good thing. Every person needs a sense of belonging, something I've been struggling with a lot... but bringing someone else into that struggle to fill it out is not the answer.
I've come to realize that I should be solidifying my motives instead of attaching to another's just yet. I have a tendency to run head-on in "love" at someone for the sake of a few details I wish I had in myself. A couple years ago, a girl I knew well told me God had led her to a point where she was content with being single. I was completely amazed and thought I would never reach that level of maturity, self-sufficiency. Whatever it is, it looks like I'm getting to that point.
From the outside, it probably seems like such a trivial thing. But I'm a poet, I live for feelings. Half of me feels defeated, like my longing for love is being outgrown by a mellow acceptance of loneliness. It's probably the recent circumstances of transition, an internal badgering for independence. I'm trying to figure myself out for now - where I belong, what I truly enjoy.
But the pit of me will always want to love someone.
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